I did not write this and do not know the author, but it seems to capture what it is like trying to do anything here in China - read on. "Ting bu dong" means "I don't understand," a 'chop' is an ink stamp, of which nothing (absolutely nothing) in China gets done without.
If you have lived in China and you are not Chinese, you will probably find this funny. If you are Chinese, you might find it funny -- or, you might not. If you have never lived in China, you have no idea what it's all about. If you don't find it funny, sorry. If you think it is blatantly offensive, I welcome you to come live in China for a few months and see what it's all about.
Now, on with the definitive explanation:
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yes, but Chinese people do not think that light bulbs are very important.
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Oh, I am very sorry, but the person who has the job to change the light bulb is not here right at this moment.
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Ah, ah, ah. Ah. Ah, ah. Ah.
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: First we must get permission from... the person who is in charge of light bulbs, I am very sorry.
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yes, but that would be very wasteful of electricity.
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty:
One to go look for the light bulb requisition form. One to fill out the light bulb requisition form. One to check the light bulb requisition form. One to chop the light bulb requisition form. One to hand-carry the light bulb requisition form across to the office of the person responsible for approving light bulb requisitions. One to go see what has become of the person who took the light bulb requisition form away. One to go take the light bulb requisition form from the last two and really go to the office. One to go look for the person responsible for approving light bulb requisitions. One to apologise for the absence of the person responsible for approving light bulb requisitions. One to find a more responsible person who might know when the responsible person may return.
One to come back to the office of the person responsible for approving light bulb requisitions, in the morning, when the responsible person is in. One to go look for the person who still has the light bulb requisition form. One to fill out a new light bulb requisition form. One to check it. One to chop it. One to hand-carry the new form across to the office of the responsible person. One to wait until the responsible person comes back from lunch. One to get the responsible person himself to chop the form and send everybody down the hall to the person who has the key to the closet which has the light bulbs. One to look for the person who has the key. One to wait until the person with the key comes back from lunch.
One to unlock the closet for the person with the key. One meddling bystander to ask whether the replacement bulb should be 30 or 40 watts. One to take the light bulb requisition form back to the person who filled it out and have him write the number of watts requested on the back. One to go look for the person who was taking back the light bulb requisition form. One to fill out yet another light bulb requisition form, this time with wattage specified on the back. One to check it. One to chop it. One to hand-carry it. One to wait until the responsible person comes back from dinner. One to wait until the person with the key comes back from dinner.
One to carry the light bulb itself back to the person who requisitioned it. This person does not drop the light bulb. Chinese are very careful people. Besides, light bulbs are very expensive.
One to go look for the person whose job it is to change light bulbs. One to go look for the ladder. One to hold the ladder. One to hand out plastic cups full of hot water while everybody waits. One to stand around and boss it all. Ten to chatter about nothing, at the top of their lungs, making it impossible for anybody to understand anything; this includes the person whose job it is to change the light bulbs. One to tell the person whose job it is to change light bulbs that he is taking out the wrong bulb. One to show which bulb is really burned out. One to go get the new light bulb, forgotten on the desk where the form was filled out. And...
One to change the light bulb.
Q: How many Chinese does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny anymore. Wait until you've been here a little longer.
This may all sound exaggerated, but it's not all that far from the truth...
This story is relevant. In my flat I had a fluorescent light on one wall and a cluster of five light bulbs in the middle of the ceiling. There was an electrical problem with the cluster, so that only two of the bulbs work. I rang my Waiban to get it fixed, as it shorts and can be a problem. The guy comes around, turns my lights on and sees the sparks that come from the cluster, but also notices that my fluorescent light is not working. Unbeknown to me, he has been instructed to change the fluorescent light, and has not been told about anything else.
My fluorescent light does not work, so he checks it, sees that there is a problem with the starter, changes that and the light works. Then takes out the working fluorescent light, changes it with a new one, then throws the other one away. He has been told to change a fluorescent light, so that is what he has done (though he was told to do it in another flat).
He leaves, I ring my Waiban and she sends him around again. He comes in, turns the lights on and sees that sparks from the light cluster and his eyebrows raise as if he has not seen this before. I am standing there and saying to him that he was only here 30 minutes ago, how can this be a surprise (language barrier though)? That was in 2002 and the light cluster still shorted out when I left in 2005, I accepted - the attempts to repair this is a far longer story. To be fair, the maintenance guys for our building are pretty cool and quick, but initiative is not a job criteria for them.
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